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Monday, July 17th, 2006
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3:19 pm
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| Monday, March 27th, 2006
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5:47 pm - on a rampage
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So the smoking gun got hold of a memo from ABC regarding that awful show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Said memo included the email contact for the producer, so I sent her the following e-mail. I am a self-righteous asshole, but...we knew this.
From: *
To: extremehomes@hotmail.com
Date: Mar 27, 2006 5:22 PM
Subject: extreme family!
Hello Ms. Simonian,
I thought I would volunteer my extreme family for your show. You see,
I have not one but two children with muscular dystrophy. My wife and I
agree that they are both spectacular, even extraordinary MD'ers. Thats
what we call them, MD'ers. The MD Team!
Unfortunately, I have a history of drunk driving, with one fatality
under my belt. I hope that this does not disqualify from receiving the
extreme makeover that only your show can provide. After all, you can
probably gloss over this detail with some simple editing.
I hear that you are struggling in the ratings, so I hope that my loss
can be your gain! Sadly, we did not adopt these children. We gave
birth to them the old fashioned way. Again, I hear these things can be
cleared up in the editing room. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours in extremity,
*
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10:38 am - international herb
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I actually enjoying the fact that my weekends have shifted; from bouts of all night drinking bookended by sleeping all day, to going to bed early every night and actually getting things done during the day. This weekend I reserved $200 in fancy beer, DJ equipment and PA setup, bought a jacket and some new pants, helped Jean find a bunch of maternity clothes, cleaned the whole house, and watched a lot of basketball. And slept about 10 hours a night.
Mike was in town friday night with a day in black and white. They played this extremely unfortunate show at the South Union Arts space that MP shows is trying to do shows at these days. Ugh. The people running those shows are seriously lazy, and really do not care about the musicians they are dealing with, which is pretty frustrating. The show had four touring bands and no locals, very little promo, and got moved, less than a week before the show, to a venue that was basically still a church with a fucking altar rather than any kind of stage for a 4-piece rock band to set up on. ADIBAW had to play last and the sound guy had broken down the entire PA and was about to bounce before Mike informed him that they still had yet to play. That is some high school punk show shit, not something you do when youre a "professional" rock promoter. it was a bummer to have friends come into your town and deal with that. The boys seem to be having some hard times as a band, but I thought they played really well, an interesting set of super-tense rock. Mike and I got some solid hanging and music exchanging in as well.
Everything is in motion for the party Saturday. I'm trying to have everything set so I can just chill and GET CRAZY with like 100 friends.
Dubwise, I have recently acquired a ton of Wackies' stuff and I have decided that dub is the highest form of music ever created. Thats that. Doesn't everyone seem to eventually come to this conclusion?
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| Wednesday, March 15th, 2006
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10:28 am - carry on my woodward son
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Just to let you guys know, Mike Petillo was the first to make this joke, approximately ten minutes after we found out our baby is going to be a boy. Like most great men, he entered the world consciousness scrotum-first. Start knitting things in blue.
Someone has already bought us the froggy humidifier. We need to find more cutesy things to register for because all thats left is plates, rice cookers and criterion DVDs.
The baby name-stakes continue. What about G-Unit?
Jean and I spent an hour or five setting up car insurance last night. What a pain. I need a study.
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| Monday, March 6th, 2006
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10:24 am - dj paul is a dog, one you do not trust
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If you're like me, you're still reeling from the sight of Three Six Mafia on the friggin Oscars. I kept waiting for the camera to pan to Helena Bonham Carter or Paul Giamatti awkwardly head-bobbing along. I felt pretty out of touch when Crash won best picture. I thought that was the movie where Linda Fiorentino could only get off in car crashes. No? Apparently I am wrong on this. Should I see this movie? I also havent seen ANY of the foreign language nominees. Oops.
On Friday I went for a much needed checkup with Drs. Pearls and Brass. I really needed to rage, and rage I did. After the show we got high in the van and went to a 4 am bar, where I briefly slipped out of consciousness, walked out the door of the bar and directly into a lamppost. Ouch. I felt pretty terrible afterward, not because of the swelling shiner near my eyebrow, but because this is not the type of behavior suitable to a father-to-be. No more late night van sessions for me.
Jean helped me kill the hangover at Bed Bath and Beyond, where we set up our registry. Lots of nice pans and glasses and a humidifier that looks like a frog. If you are interested, you can access this online by searching my name.
Saturday night we watched this awful, seriously dreadful movie about the Manson Family. While masquerading as a documentary, it was actually a "dramatization" of the helter skelter days as performed by this bad cyberpunkish acting troupe. The mockumentary aspects were decent, with the different characters talking to the camera somewhere off in the incarcerated future beyond the killings, but the action itself was awful. I dont know if I ever need to watch NYU film sophomores have a dog blood-orgy ever, ever again. Blood and nipples: ne'er the twain shall meet.
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| Monday, February 20th, 2006
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1:40 pm - confirmed
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The wedding party will be on April 1st, a Saturday. No fooling. Be here!
The honeymoon weekend was fa-rozen, but lovely. Jean and I watched 6 hours of project runway and several hockey games. I want a Swedish national team hockey jersey for my birthday. We got a car and a kitchenaid mixer!
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| Thursday, February 16th, 2006
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1:56 pm - rain rain
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So, the Jean and I are married. Officially! We cracked up when the judge was reading the "And do you, Evan..." parts. I forgot to do my Jeezy Yeahhhhhhh, instead of "I do". Ok, I was never going to do that.
We went to the doctor, but we didn't find out the sex. Turns out that is next month. Jean has told me to stop spreading lies on this thing. Of course, the celestial judges, whose word is gracious and final, have already decreed that it is a boy. Take your beef up with them!
I am having a crappy day at work. The band I just finished setting up a tight weekend tour for has bailed due to car trouble. I wont go into it here but it SUCKS.
Still waiting to hear on the party space. Patience kiddies.
This weekend is our honeymoon to scenic Mineral Point, Wisconsin, which is scheduled to be buried in snow on Saturday. I told Jean it seemed like an ideal honeymoon. Snowed in on a farm, eating home-cooked farm-grown meals, watching Netflix and olympic hockey.
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| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
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11:43 am - mean one thinks yer mellow
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Jean and I get married tomorrow! We're already wearing the rings, but tomorrow we put them on each other. I feel like I'm at the very top of the mountain.
This weekend was unusually active. Spent two nights at the bottle; saw Zac Davis' band Lambsbread, who shredded non-stop for about 15 beautiful minutes. Friday night, Kit played with her sister Lexie and brought it down before Coughs played the tightest set Ive ever seen them pull off. Dudes are a machine. Jean and I watched a lot of Olympics and Downfall, the movie about the last days in Hitler's bunker. Was it me or did that movie make Hitler seem like a cuddly little grandpappy with an occasional temper? I wonder about how it was received in the Fatherland. It was good, anyway. Sunday night was my work party at the Rainbo, where I drank way too many free beers and attempted to have conversations with people I work for/with. Yesterday was my first hangover in months, if not a year.
Today, I heard from my crossword-creating acquaintance that he's lost his spot in the Village Voice after it was acquired by Raytheon, who have decided to replace it with more adult ads. What do missile makers know about penis enlargement?
Yesterday all I could think of was Dick Cheney and the lyrics to the Geto Boys' "Mind of a Lunatic". "the sight of blood excites me..."
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| Thursday, February 9th, 2006
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10:11 am - ruckwarts
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Eesh, planning this wedding party is giving me a migraine. Jean and I want to have it at Open End Gallery, and the dudes there are down, but they are currently negotiating with city lawyers to keep their gallery license. Apparently the neighborhood was recently re-zoned not to allow galleries, which makes no sense at all. Anyway, they hope to have things settled with the city in the next few days so they can get on with the show and I can get on with mine. Its a bummer because I really want to tell everyone a date so everyone can come and it can be the best party of all time. Argggg.
Other than that I am straight chilling. Jean and I are doing the ring deed next week, if we can get a date with the Justice of the Peace. The baby is getting bigger. We have our next appointment next week, where we should find out the sex. A couple of nights ago, we played the baby Shostakovich followed by Terry Riley. We need to shake it up, dont want this baby coming up too formalist.
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| Monday, January 30th, 2006
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6:04 pm - update
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OK. I have consulted with Anthony and the only explanation for the haunted coffee incident is that my coffeemaker was temporarily embodied by the recently-departed spirit of Nam June Paik. I experienced a fluxus event for breakfast.
RIP Nam June Paik
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11:17 am - the white clown
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Hello. Everything is going fine. Jenna was here this weekend and that was splendid. We went to Hyde Park in the rain. Hopefully I will have the dates and info for the wedding extravaganza in the next couple of days. Jean is doing great and we are eating a lot.
I picked up this book of essays by Norman Manea that talks about living under Ceaucescu in the 80s. Sometimes I stop and wonder why I read so much extremely depressing material. Maybe I should stop.
Ibrahim Rugova died. What's going to happen to Kosovo?
I picked up Coltrane's Live in Japan. I've found its a great record to shrink to miniature and get lost in.
This morning I experienced a haunted coffee pot. I put on a pot and went to get dressed. While I was putting on socks, I heard a noise in the kitchen like something had fallen off of the counter. When I came into the kitchen, the coffee pot was sitting on the counter, about two feet away from the coffee maker, right side up but empty, surrounded by hot coffee. It was positioned directly next to the coffee maker, and a bunch of bottles stood between the maker and the pot, making it impossible for the pot to have moved from the maker to where it now stood. The pot was now empty, but not cracked in any way. I stared blankly at it for about 5 minutes, attempting to make sense of the scene. Nothing.
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| Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
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12:14 pm
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Thanks to everybody for the excitement and the nice words!
Jean and I just got done at the clinic for her monthly checkup. We got to see the baby! It has two arms and two legs which it swings around constantly. Its face appears to be one giant nose, which makes sense given Jean and my prominent sniffers. It is six centimeters long.
So off we go with all the planning. I had a very positive meeting with my boss, who persuaded me not to look for a second job, but to take a raise and more hours here. She's also going to chip in extra for our insurance. Pretty amazing. It looks like it wont be too difficult to get Jean on my insurance, we just have to get hitched pronto. We are thinking about doing it in front of a judge at the Cultural Center downtown. We're shooting for a reception sometime during the first weekend of March, and I'm scouting locations for that now.
So yeah, lets do this! We are thinking about naming the baby Pryor. Not a joke.
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| Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
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10:46 am
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I'm launching this one into the cybercanyon once again: Jean is pregnant and we are getting married.
Details to follow. We are beyond excited. Everything is taking on poetic meanings; today I watched oil-clouded water run down Ashland and into a swirling, blue-green-grey eddy.
Something to talk about.
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| Thursday, January 12th, 2006
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11:26 am - it also needs noting
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That I am deeply bummed that I can't be attending the Pearls and Brass, Pissed Jeans, Air Conditioning show at Jeff the Pigeon next week. Pennsylvania's best bands in Pennsylvania's (if not the world's) best venue. Also, Pennsylvania's truly weirdest people. I demand full documentation of this event from concerned parties. I also demand that Sean McGuinness blows up the world.
I'm also bummed to miss the Jacob, Lili and Daniel experience currently ongoing in San Fran. I'm glad the three of them reunited in an environment so conducive to righteous jamming, and I know some mindmelting things shall issue forth. The coasts are secure.
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10:43 am
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This morning I located and put on my shoes while listening to Sen. Orrin Hatch apologize profusely to Samuel Alito for all the duress the confirmation hearing panel had put him through. Yes, the poor guy. The Supreme Court has quietly confiscated scads of Congressional privileges, and poor Sammy had to endure Congress' last grasps of whatever control over the Court they still have. Being forced to defend oneself before assuming control of rights several billion people hold dear is such a hassle, man! What a rough week!
And it wasn't just Sam who had it rough this week. Apparently, his wife excused herself from the hearing room yesterday in tears brought on by a Republican senator asking Alito if he was a bigot. The transcript seems to reveal that the Senator was pandering to Alito with a cheap rhetorical device. Alito responded in the negative, and the senator agreed, "No, you're not a bigot." Predictably, the conservative message machine immediately devoured this incident as an example of the congressional hearing's unrelenting personal - and liberal - bent, casting Alito's wife in the role of the innocent and weakened female, when what actually occurred was the woman's failure to comprehend the rhetorical question. Great. Score another one for the incompetent.
****
In non political-blog news, the hockey game last night was sweet. The Flyers completely dismantled the Hawks, leaving us with ample time to check out the serious bro-posturing going on amidst nearly half of the 300-level. Not a family environment up there.
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| Monday, January 9th, 2006
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10:25 am - mixed media
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Watched some movies this weekend. Easy Rider: The first time I watched this was sometime between 8th and 10th grade, ie before I did any drugs. I think I rented it with my friend Brett for yuks, and we turned it off during the acid trip/Mardi Gras scene, thus missing the main "duh" of the allegory; assuming I was equipped to understand the allegory at the time (It's weird to think of a time in my life when my consciousness wasn't embedded with an automatic political message decoder). Watching this movie can be difficult, since most of the scenes have no coherent dialogue save some mumbled laughter and Cheechesque "mannn"s. Watching the making-of documentary reveals that everyone involved with making the movie was either stoned, drunk, or tripping during the entire filming. I think that kindof took balls. Dennis Hopper had some half-baked "What if the Western narrative trope was like...a drug movie, man?" idea while blazing with Huey Newton and convinced a studio to give him 400 grand to film it.
The Mothman Prophecies: Jean and I have a somewhat insatiable desire for psychological thrillers, and this one was pretty damn good. Maybe if the director wasn't trying to make a Radiohead video it would have been a bit more palatable, but on the whole I dug it. Harrison Ford is always playing these mega emotional roles.
I also watched a lot of football. I dont think I have ever been this into football before. On the sports tip, Jean, Kit, Tom and Me are going to see the Blackhawks play the Flyers on Wednesday and I am PSYCHED. I feel like I'm 11. HOCKEY.
I picked up some records with a gift thing from Jean. Found an original copy of Fahey's Vol. 3 on Takoma for really cheap, for some reason. One of the only early records of his I hadn't heard yet. I also picked up that American Primitive Vol. 2 on Revenant which is one of the most fascinating things I've ever heard. I like that I can appreciate the fruits of a hobby as thankless as spending a lifetime hunting for obscure 78s from the 1920s without, you know, completely giving up life.
I picked up "The Dust of Empire" by Karl Meyer, a brief history of Central Asia from a anticolonialist perspective. Also reading "Snow" by Orhan Pamuk, the Turkish novelist currently on trial there for sedition. At some point, I'll accumulate this informal and lazy project on Eastern Europe, Western Asia and neocolonialism into something I can get paid to study. The Meyer book is a great empirical study, so far. Its interesting to see that the US' softened imperialist approach to undetermined states has been more or less the same for over a century. Bush is McKinley lite.
Yadda yadda yaaaa.
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| Monday, January 2nd, 2006
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4:27 pm - resolution
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oh, I guess one resolution will be to do my part to make 2006 a lot less ideologically bankrupt than 2005 was, but I will need the help of 3 billion other people to make that a reality.
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4:03 pm - please leave a mess
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Ok so its a new year. I don't think Ive been making resolutions for some time now, so I'm not going to start now. That said, I have about $600 in my bank account right now and I'm looking to keep my balance in the three digit range (or even, gasp, HIGHER?) for the rest of the year.
Today I got a raise to go with the very nice words my boss had for me with my bonus before the holiday. The weird thing is that my raise brings my salary to where I thought it had been all along. Oops? That kinda takes some of the shine off, but what can I do.
My holiday was very long. I've spent most of the day at work sitting here trying to remember what exactly it is that I do. And loading music onto my new iPod. The motherfucker is 60 GIGS. I thought I would come close to filling it up with all the shit on my hard drive, but so far I only have 9. I guess I need to get soulseek. How exactly does Apple figure I'm going to find 60 gigs of music without stealing it?
Last night, Jean and I saw Brokeback Mountain. I really enjoyed it. Today I'm poring through a lot of reviews, and all of them seem to start off with some caveat about the hype that the film is getting. Where was this hype? I saw one ad for the film as a preview in the theater, and thats about it. I'm glad I have immunized myself to this bullshit, though I dont know how I did it. Anyway, it was a really good film, regardless of the raging debate about whether or not it copped out as a message. I, for one (straight man), was relieved that there was no message. I don't know if you can boil down the political solvency of a movie by gauging how much dick was in it. I identify with some reviews who rag on the film for having flat characters, but I don't see it as a failing. Pretty much everyone in it was great, especially Anne Hathaway. I also got a real satisfaction from the passage of time in the movie; all of the characters aged mesmerizingly, and the sets were remarkably detailed in each year. The only thing I noticed was a very 2004-sounding Steve Earle song in the scene where Ennis dances with the waitress, which was supposed to be like 1979 or something.
My holiday traveling was pretty tight. I got to see a ton of people in not much time, though I felt a bit exhausted with all the "catching up" by the end. Smoking a spliff in some random courtyard in my old hometown with some friends from junior high was a highlight. New Years Eve was comfortably mellow; rang it in with a couple of close friends, some beer/weed/prosecco, and Bob Seger, Fela, Jimi and R.Kelly.
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| Monday, December 19th, 2005
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11:16 am - came to change the game
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I got some good "leaving the house" vs "not leaving the house" balance in this weekend. After a week of never knowing which day it was, I got quite lit with Paul and went to the Bottle to see Pit er Pat and Lazer Crystal. I always think its a good idea to get high before I head over to that place, but then I end up getting frightened by all the navigation involved with being there. Warren Beatty walked into parties like he was climbing onto a yacht; I can do better. Pit er Pat were sleepy, but I like those guys a lot.
Saturday I sat around, walked around the block to get smokes, cleaned jeans house some, and Paul came over. We watched Cheech and Chong "Nice Dreams" and hit some cheech and some chong for the duration. Drug movies were so unhinged in the late 70s/early 80s. I love the C+C movies because 90% of the dialogue between the two of them is some variation of "Hey man, you fucked up man! Come on ese, come on man!", over and over and over.
On Sunday, Jean and I piled ourselves on the couch under blankets and watched football, played Rummikub (she won), and made some crazy carrot ginger soup. Then I went to my work xmas dinner, which consisted of 6 of us eating 3 courses of food, 6 big bottles of beer, and a bottle of shiraz. Then we went to the Hancock Tower bar with the view of the city, where I had my first martini in several years. I elected to ride the bus back home from downtown. It may have been the coldest night of the winter so far last night, especially downtown, but I have no idea. On the bus, I listened to two men in their thirties comparing their present-buying load. One of the dudes had 13 kids to but things for. Two families! Thats rough.
Today, I feel a bit beaten up, but good. I stopped posting on the internet to free up some lifespace. Holler at me.
East coast, you're on notice.
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| Friday, December 16th, 2005
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2:03 pm - top ten
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we all put top ten lists together at work. this is mine.
1. Ciara "Oh" single. This unseated "Rubberband Man" as my ringtone for the majority of 2005, which is unfortunate in a way, as the ringtone doesn't even have what I love most about this song. The twurked hi-hats and backing beat sound like NEUROSIS. Any song with Ludacris that I can also headbang to is an automatic number one.
2. Sir Richard Bishop and Double Leopards @ 611 Florida in DC. I flew to DC after my brthday, right before I started working here. Some friends picked me up from the airport, we got some pizza and went straight to this show. There were probably 60 or so people crammed in the living room watching Mouthus play but I couldnt fit, so I hung out in the back with the dudes from DLs and we talked about Hoop Dreams. Lets just say that the entire house was well supplied, pharmacologically. DL played a great set that sounded like Depeche Mode at 11 r.p.m., and then Richard played for over an hour. In the midst of several blazing original ragas, he somehow mashed up Nowhere Man with Somewhere Over the Rainbow, on a six-string!!! and rounded off the night with a 20 minute Django Reinhardt medley. The room was packed full of people slumped on chairs, couches, in a pile on the floor, all frozen in complete awe. Also, Richard looks and talks like the Dude from Big Lebowski, and is a real knight.
3. Radian, live at the Bottle. Before I started working here, I was not as cool as I am now and didn't know very much about Radian. My friend Mary had sent me a tape of Juxtaposition (with Joanna Newsom on the flip, how could she compare?) and I listened to it every day. I was very excited to see them, and I think (its foggy) somehow I got Lexie to put me on the list. What an omen! Anyway the synchronicity they had totally floored me, as well as watching Martin play drums like he was making a delicate souffle.
4. Jack Rose, live and Kensington Blues LP At the show in November, one of the other performers needed his guitar tuned, so he passed it to Jack, who set it straight in seconds, and proceeded to play a ten-minute Fahey medley for good measure. There were maybe five of us in the room at the time, all watching him intently as he got lost in another realm. I don't think he even knew we were listening. A great and lasting memory.
5. The Coughs. The Coughs are my favorite band in Chicago. They are like Throbbing Gristle and early Bikini Kill combined, but more punk. I didn't see them a lot this year because they were on hiatus, but they are back now. People wear crazy shit like just a garbage bag for their shows and then stumble around like epileptics in the pit. I am putting on a show at their house in January with them and a bunch of other insane people who may or may not be in wolf eyes.
6. The Psychic Paramount "Gamelan Into the Mink Supernatural" cd. I guess there used to be this music called "math rock" but this shit is like FRACTAL ROCK. Like fraggle rock, it comes from somewhere underground. I play this in the office all the time even though it is virtually unlistenable. They will be in Chicago in the spring.
7. Tatsuya Nakatani live at the Cultural Center. Tatsuya is a free-improvising drummer who used to be in the Psychic Paramount, actually, which seems totally impossible because he is too intense. I guess it was impossible because he left the band. He played the CCC with Ken Vandermark and boy was it good. I have a thing for drummers who look like they are doing something other than drumming while they play; T.N. was building a minature scale model of Atlantis. Bowed cymbals, pot lids, bells, shakers, textures; it was an entire civilization up there.
8. Jesu "s/t" cd. My roommate was raving about this when it came out and he burned it for me and it grew on me all year long like a fungus. This is Justin from Napalm Death and Godflesh and all that good stuff, it basically sounds like Hum, but Hum from an evil parallel Earth that is enslaved by Saturnalian oppressors.
9. Tony Conrad live at the bottle (with Ben from Town and Co.). I feel like I can die a bit more satisfied now, having finally seen Tony Conrad. His set this night was definitely not one for the highlight reel; he stumbled a few times, his outfit made him look like a bullfighter, his contact mic kept falling off of his violin, etc. But the emotion and power was there. And boy, did he drag you into the drone. After a 45 minute atonal warm up, a white scrim was pulled across the stage and he launched into another piece that lasted at least an hour. It was complete annihilation; people were crashing out all over the bottle. The tamale guy came TWICE. And I gained a serious respect for Ben, who played the same note on the handbells for 10, 20, 30 minute periods throughout; no easy task.
10. Celebration LP. Baltimorean old ghosts finally get a solid lineup and a record with good distribution, and it totally smokes! My favorite band that looks like they're on heroin.
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